Things Have Changed
by im-a-yogi
Summary: AU and Post Season 3 In January every year a mysterious couple meets in Santa Barbara. What happened to make it possible? Updated with new chapter!
1. Prelude

_Author's note: This is not just a fic about what happened in Mexico… Time has past and - things have changed! _

_Back in Mexico Claudia and Chase's escape happens a little differently and it also takes the Salazars and Jack hours until they find out they're gone, CTU has no idea where Jack is and he's not able to contact them but that is really all you need to know - everything will be explained!_

_For the best format (with indented text) check out my website!_

* * *

**Things Have Changed**

Prelude  
------

_Convince me…_

Nina leaned forward, her hand clutching his shoulder, for a moment giving in to the kiss and all the memories it brought back. But she had to break it and focus.

"I'm sorry, Jack." _I'm so sorry for what I'm going to have to do – it has to end…_

But the way he was looking at her... He kissed her again and she got caught up in the sensation once more, indulging in a feeling that things could have been different, should have been different, but again she broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I want to think you've changed but I can feel it... you're lying."

Real desperation in his eyes now. Fear replaced the arousal she had been able to see while she was kissing him. He knew what she would do if he didn't convince her. But how could he ever think he could convince her with a lie?

When he again tried to kiss her she pushed him away. Her decision was already made - what good would it do to torture herself like this? In his kiss she had felt his self loathing for enjoying it and she knew he would never forgive her no matter how passionate his kisses were.

"You haven't forgotten anything, have you? You despise me. And you'd do anything right now to get me to go along with your plan." It surprised her that it hurt. That the fact that he despised her could make her feel so sad.

"That's not true…"

She had to smile at his futile attempts, but it was really pretty pathetic.

"It's true…" She felt a little sorry for him but then she was angry – did he think she was so stupid that she was going to walk into this trap and get herself killed? "I know you're still with CTU so why would I let you set me up?"

He stared at her and she leaned back on her heals.

"I'm not setting you up… you have nothing to do with my mission here… I don't care about you – I'm here for the virus."

She smiled and stood up. Of course he was still with CTU… So he was trying a different approach now? The rogue agent act hadn't fooled her so he better tell her the truth.

"I didn't know you were going to be here, Nina."

She nodded. He could very well be telling the truth. The day before yesterday she hadn't even known she was coming here.

"Where are they? When are they going in?"

"They don't know where I am, Nina… my transmitter broke down hours ago. I'm on my own."

"So why would I do anything to help you - the money isn't going to mean much when I'm dead… My client will hunt me down." She was standing in front of him now, arms crossed.

"I thought you would be able to figure it out, Nina… I'm your only chance." He smiled now but he was getting anxious. Time was running out. "Ramon Salazar and his men are right outside, he is not going to let this deal go…"

"I don't believe you" But she started walking back and forth, a bit restless. What he said made sense – why would he come here by himself?

"Nina, think about it – your men are dead, you even shot your last man yourself… You think you'll be able to stop them all by yourself? Not even you are that good…"

"So what do you propose, Jack? I save your ass. I help you get the virus and for what? I get to stay alive… so that you can drag me back to prison? You know I can't let you take me back… Maybe I prefer to die here?"

"What if I just let you run? CTU have no idea you're here…"

She almost started laughing. "You would let me get away again? I don't think so… and how can you trust the Salazars? Why do they trust you?"

"They trust me because I helped them set up this deal. They want power and money… they're greedy."

"So what will stop them from just killing me – or both of us as soon as they get the virus?"

"They won't kill me… Nina, whatever you think make your decision fast. Ramon will come in here any minute… He only gave me an hour to persuade you." He looked down. "So Nina, make up your mind. Untie me or kill me - live or get killed when Ramon's men come in here…" He looked up again and tried to read her expression. She wasn't convinced yet.

He signed from relief when he saw her picking up the keys to the handcuffs. She walked around him and he felt her warm breath in his ear.

"Don't make me regret this, Jack…" she whispered as she unlocked the cuffs.

As soon as he was free he got up from the chair and turned around facing her, rubbing his wrists.

"Nina – you'll have to give me the gun so that I can give it to Ramon. He doesn't trust me enough right now to let me be armed…"

She shook her head but heard someone entering the church. She picked the gun up and made a quick decision and threw it to Jack as two men burst in, guns aimed at them.

Jack smiled and raised his hands in the air. "Come on, guys… everything's fine"

Ramon came in and stared at them both. Nina had raised her arms too. He walked over to Jack and took the gun he offered him and Ramon smiled widely.

"Everything OK, Jack? Will she help us?" Ramon looked over at Nina. Her hands still in the air but she was being searched and when they found nothing she lowered her hands slowly.

Jack nodded. "She'll help us…"

------


	2. Arrival

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter One  
Arrival  
------

The small, dark-haired woman approached the reception and removed her dark sunglasses.

Jean was working behind the desk and recognized her right away and nodded.

"He's already here", she said and smiled.

It was something so romantic and fascinating about this couple. Every year, in the middle of January, they stayed a weekend in this old Santa Barbara Bed and Breakfast – always in the same room. They never arrived or departed together, and they hardly left the room for the entire weekend.

Jean remembered her first year working here. She had started during the Christmas holidays when they had needed a lot of extra staff and stayed until the end of January. The owner had told her about the couple when the man had called to confirm the reservation. Such a mystery and no one had ever asked them about their arrangement – instead the guesses had become a game for the employees. Were they having a secret affair? Were they both married to others and only met once a year? And why this weekend? Were they celebrating some kind of anniversary? Maybe they even were a married couple and just pretended, playing some kind of game?

Unable to stop herself she suddenly asked the woman.

"How come you meet here like this every year?"

The woman had been about to turn around, eager to make it upstairs to the room, but she stopped and looked at her with a sad little smile.

"We like this place… I think we were happy here." She turned around and walked towards the stairs.

------------

She knocked on the door and heard his footsteps as he came to let her in. As always the sight of him made the memories come rushing over her. Not all good memories but then he pulled her into his arms and all she could think of was that he smelled just like he used to.

She was here… He had been here two hours and had already started to worry that she wouldn't show up this time. He had taken two of the small whiskey bottles from the mini bar and poured himself a drink, sitting down in the armchair by the window, admiring the sunset.

He put his arms around her and pulled her inside, remembering the first time they had spent in this room. It was a long time ago now – and even though he had had doubts being with her here that time too, he had still been happy. More happy than he had wanted to admit to himself when everything went crazy just months after.

She leaned back and moved a hand to his cheek. Some more lines in his face… He looked tired and worn down but his gaze when his eyes met hers had the same fire as always and she pulled him down for a kiss. She smelled the whiskey on his breath and smiled. He usually got here before her, and he had told her how he always sat in the dark worrying that she wouldn't come. But she always did. How could she stay away?

He let her go and closed the door. He saw her looking around the room to see if anything had changed. It hadn't. The same curtains, the same paintings, the same carpet… Time seemed to stand still in this room. But then she saw the small lamp on the bedside table and smiled and turned to him. He was smiling now too - last year they had broken the old lamp…

"A drink?" he asked and she nodded. His voice still made her weak in the knees and she took off her jacket and kicked off her shoes as he opened the mini bar and took out another miniature bottle.

"You look good, Nina!" he said and handed her the glass.

She took a sip and sat down.

"What have you been up to?"

She laughed. "Don't ask, Jack… You don't want to know!"

He sat down too and smiled. "No, I guess not…"

They sat in silence and watched the sunset, drinking and finally relaxing. When the sun disappeared in the horizon the room got dark and when he had finished his drink he got up and walked over to her.

He pulled her out of the chair and led her to the bed, starting to undress her as they walked. Her hands found the buttons of his shirt and she quickly peeled it off his shoulders. He pushed her back and she landed on the bed and he joined her, his hands moving over her skin, finding all the familiar places that made her whisper his name and moan with pleasure and she pulled him closer.

------

They finally realized they needed to eat and he reached for the phone to call room service. She watched him order and then got up to go to the bathroom.

Naked she watched her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was getting older - she would turn 43 later this year. Sometimes she felt even older but she knew she looked younger. But her body had marks and scars and it felt old and tired now, even though his touch had made it come alive earlier tonight. She looked at the jacuzzi and the memories of what they had done there made her smile.

They really had been happy here.

She got one of the robes in the bathroom and went back into the room. He was sitting naked on the bed. He had poured them both another drink and he smiled when she took it from him.

"You never used to drink, Nina… I don't think I ever saw you have more than a glass of wine!"

She sat down next to him and tasted the drink. "That was when I couldn't afford to lose control, Jack… Now I think I drink too much…" She took another sip, feeling the alcohol and realising she would get drunk if she didn't get anything to eat soon.

There was a knock on the door and she went over to let room service in.

Jack, still naked, went into the bathroom.

The waiter smiled towards her and rolled the cart inside the room. He pulled out a wine opener and opened the bottle offering her to taste the wine but she shook her head. She was sure it was fine. He poured two glasses and put the bottle back on the cart. He waited for her to get her bag and she gave him a nice tip knowing from the girl in the reception's question when she arrived that they were remembered and talked about here. She was grateful for him not asking any questions, and looked at his name tag: _Tommy_. She remembered him from last year.

He thanked her, and with "I hope the meal is to your satisfaction", he left.

She looked at the plates and realized how hungry she was and she leaned forward and took an asparagus tip and tasted it as Jack came out, also wearing a robe now. It was getting a little chilly in the room – they had left the door to the balcony open and he closed it. The nights were cold here this time of year.

"It looks good" he said and moved up behind her.

"Mmm", she nodded and took a bite of the bread he brought to her lips.

"How's the wine?"

"I haven't tasted it yet" she answered and he gave her her glass and raised his towards her.

"To what, Nina? Memories?"

She raised her glass too and nodded. "The good memories…" she said and their glasses touched before they drank.

It was an excellent wine.

They ate in bed, finishing the bottle and talking about safe things. Politics, places they had visited since they last saw each other, how nice it was to be back here… They could easily afford an even better hotel now, they had joked about this before, but still they always returned here. She had once talked about it being a risk but he had convinced her they would never search for them so close to LA.

He was getting tired, the long drive to get here taking its toll on him, and he leaned back against a pillow. She took the plates and put them on the cart.

She crawled up in bed next to him, looking at him, wondering what his life really was like now. So many years on the run… Was he getting tired of it? Did he regret his decision to choose life and eventually the money?

He knew what she was thinking. He could practically read her mind now. He remembered how she had seemed like such a mystery to him. For years he had been wondering what went on inside her mind but that night in Jakarta had changed everything. No more mysteries – just Nina… and it had turned out he had always understood her - he had just refused to acknowledge it.

"Is it worth it, Nina? Does it get easier?"

She looked at him. "It gets easier… but it's never easy. But isn't being alive worth it?"

He raised his hand and tugged at the cord holding her robe together. He managed to undo the knot and the robe fell open and he looked at her, desire welling up again.

"This is worth it, isn't it Nina?" he asked quietly. "But what if I need more? What if I want to be happy?"

She let the robe fall from her shoulders and leaned forward, her hands cradling his face. "Do you think we deserve to be happy, Jack?"

He looked into her eyes and shook his head slightly. "No." He looked down and his hands moved around her waist and he pulled her over and down into his lap. Opening up his robe, he positioned her so that he could enter her and as she sank down he leaned forward and closed his lips around a nipple.

------


	3. Early Bird

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Two  
Early bird  
------

She woke up just as it was getting light outside. She never slept more than five hours nowadays. She sat up, careful not to wake him, and watched him. He needed the rest – he had looked so exhausted last night and she was worried about him. This life wasn't for him… It was only a matter of time until he would give himself up – and then she would lose him forever.

She touched his cheek and then got up. She was a little cold and found the robe by the bed and put it on. She went to sit by the window waiting for him to wake up.

It occurred to her, like so many times before, how strange it was that he could be with her like this… In her darkest hours she still had doubts and she would think that he still wanted her dead even though he had spent a good deal of time that night so long ago telling her that his hatred was gone.

::::::::::::  
In Jakarta she had tried to run, convinced that he would kill her now that he was an outlaw just like her. No more restrictions, protocol or laws to follow - she had been so sure he would act on his lust for revenge. But instead he asked for her advice and then offered her, what he said was her share of the money. After all, it was all thanks to her…

He said he knew she had saved his life. He couldn't kill her after that, now could he? Only later would he tell her the real reason why he couldn't hate her anymore. He had been forced to do what she had done…

Stunned she felt herself relaxing and eventually believing him. She let her guard down, finally and completely. It wasn't like her and he had been taken aback too. She told him everything he wanted to know and she realized how much she wanted him to understand her.

Too many raw emotions left them both exhausted and they stared at each other.

"What now" she asked. "Is it over?"

He looked at her for a long time and finally he nodded. "Yes, it's over now…" Then he kissed her and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

Somehow they ended up in bed together – again. After all this time, and all this hate and fear, it should have been unthinkable but she had never stopped wanting him, and apparently a part of him had wanted her too.

So the games were over - no more lies, masks or deceit. They were just Jack and Nina again. Lovers.

The morning after she had asked him what he wanted. He had told her Kim was going to get most of the money and he wanted to make sure she was always safe. She had lost everything and even though he knew money could never replace anything it was the only thing he could do for her now.

Nina had then asked him what he wanted with _her_. He looked a bit amused and he let his eyes wander over her naked body before he answered, truthfully:

"I don't know…"

She tilted her head and smiled melancholy, shaking her head slightly. She wanted him to know, she wanted to be honest - If he wanted to try she would go with him.

"You can have me if you want… But we shouldn't kid ourselves. We cannot turn back time… It's not going to be like before. Too much have happened and we are not the same people anymore."

He nodded. Of course he knew it was impossible.

They could never really be together again. That would only bring back everything and the game would inevitably start all over again, no matter how hard they would try and keep it away. But were they ready to let go?

She had known _she_ wasn't ready to let him go…

Still she had told him. Perhaps it was better if they said goodbye, right here and now, and never saw each other again... What could she have to offer him now?

He had told her that he wanted to try to get his soul back and that he needed someone to remind him of who he used to be, who he thought he had been once, but he wasn't sure anymore… He had looked up at her with desperation in his eyes.

"Was I a horrible man, Nina? Was I always like this?"

She shook her head.

"Then why did it happen to me?"

She touched his cheek softly. He just kept looking at her for an answer. An answer she didn't have…

"I can't change the past, Jack. I wish there was something I could do but…" She looked at him knowing that of course there wasn't.

But then he whispered:

"Help me be the man I used to be… Before everything went wrong…"

"What can _I_ do, Jack? How can _I_ help _you_?" Her own responsibility in his transformation made her sorrowful in a way she never felt before. _How can I bring you anything but unhappiness?_

But for some reason he thought of the happier times they had shared and he had smiled when he asked her:

"Remember that hotel in Santa Barbara?"

She smiled back. "Of course I do, Jack..."

"Meet me there in January..."

"Jack..."

"Meet me there, the second weekend in January... I'll make the arrangements..."

She shook her head. "No, Jack…"

"There are so many things I need to work out - but I want to see you again... We need to talk more, Nina. There are so many things I want to know, to understand about myself and about you..."

She shook her head again and looked at him hesitantly. "I'm not sure I'm willing to take that risk, Jack..."

He kissed her and told her that Santa Barbara or anyplace close to LA would be the last place they would look for either of them.

She didn't tell him that the risk she was thinking of was him again resorting to hating her or wanting to kill her, because his kisses were more demanding now and his hand had found its way under the sheet covering her and she didn't feel any hate in his touch – only need.

So she agreed, but she was still battling whether to go or not when Christmas came around. She had never really regretted her decision to show up here though.  
::::::::::::

He stirred and she saw how he reached his arms out for her, finding no one next to him in the large bed.

He opened his eyes and saw her by the window.

"Good morning" she said and he sat up asking what time it was.

She didn't know.

"What are you doing over there? Come here" he mumbled as he fell back against the pillows again.

"I didn't want to disturb you… you needed to sleep" she said and didn't move – until he spoke again. This time his voice had the edge she never was able to resist.

"Nina, you come over here right now!"

She laughed and moved over to the bed. She crawled back in and kissed him.

------


	4. Rituals

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Three  
Rituals  
------

They stayed in bed for hours, like they always did, unwilling to leave each other's arms. He lay on his back, one arm tucked behind his head. She was on her stomach, her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. She turned her head up to kiss him lightly as his hand caressed her back. Her smile was playful and he smiled back, shaking his head and she laughed softly.

They finally decided to get up and take a walk. Another ritual.

They moved quickly through the small lobby, trying to avoid any attention. They got outside and walked the short distance to the beach. It was still early and pretty chilly but they walked fast and soon they were warm. He told her how he usually started every morning with a jog on the beach and she wanted to ask him where he lived now, but he would never tell her. Just like she wouldn't tell him where she was hiding.

It was safer that way.

They came back to the hotel and he asked for the key from the nice girl in the reception. Nina recognised her now. Last year her hair had been blond but this year it was bright red. She saw how Jack flirted with her a little and smiled. What would he answer if the girl asked him the same question she had asked her yesterday?

They threw off their clothes as soon as they got back inside their room and headed for the bathroom. He filled the jacuzzi and smiling they got into the warm water and he closed his eyes. This felt so good.

He sometimes wanted to tell her to come with him. Why should they only meet once a year? But of course it couldn't work – and like she had said last night: They didn't really deserve to be happy.

How many years had it been going on now? He had lost count. His life had changed so dramatically after Mexico and time went by now without the need for him to keep a watch, no need for him to be anywhere, no job, no schedule. He was free to do whatever he wanted. But what he wanted the most was impossible.

To be with his daughter and his grandson.

To serve his country again.

To be with Nina.

He sighed. He hadn't changed as much as he had thought.

Nina heard his sigh and moved closer, rubbing a soapy hand over his arm.

"Kim?" she asked even though she already knew. Only the thought of his daughter made him look so unhappy.

He nodded.

"How is she doing? Not seeing her must be horrible, Jack…"

How could he tell her he had risked everything and approached Kim just a few months ago?

:::::::::::  
Kim had been walking down the street, holding her son's hand tightly as they had been about to cross the street. They had been waiting for the sign to change when he had said her name. She had turned around and her eyes had been wide and she had opened her mouth to say something but she hadn't been able to speak. He had smiled and told her he didn't mean to scare her, that he had missed her so much he thought he was going to die and that he just wanted to know the name of his grandson. Kim's shock had seemed to let go and she had run her hand through the boy's hair.

"His name is Jack…" That was all she managed to say before she started crying and he almost lost it too. He bent down and looked at the boy. His eyes were big and he was not sure what made his mom cry like this… Was this a bad man?

Jack didn't want to scare him so he just smiled even though he wanted to hold him. He looked at Kim again and told her he had to leave. She couldn't tell anyone about seeing him - but maybe he could see her again soon? Kim had nodded and he had walked away quickly, afraid that he would start crying and not be able to leave her.  
:::::::::::

"She is doing fine… I got pictures of her and her son from San Diego a couple of months ago" he lied. He had let the detective he had hired to look after her go almost a year ago and instead he had occasionally followed her himself, never to make contact – until on that street in late October.

Nina leaned forward and kissed him. Whatever she had given up it was nothing compared to what he had sacrificed to stay alive.

He deepened the kiss, again revealing his need for her and she pressed herself against him knowing that this would make him forget.

But how could he ever really forget anything as long as he kept meeting her every year?

------


	5. Remembrance

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Four  
Remembrance  
------

Usually he never wanted to talk about Mexico. Dreaming about it every night was enough, he had told her once. But this year it was different.

He brought it up during dinner at a seafood restaurant they had been to several times before. They had ordered but when the food arrived they were both disappointed. It just didn't taste as good as it used to.

Jack shrugged and suggested that the restaurant had changed owners.

"Or chef..." she added with a smile.

The wine bottle had been almost finished when he suddenly seemed to recall how they had met in Mexico. He talked about kissing her - and of how he at the time had been disgusted with himself for enjoying it. He understood himself better now.

She smiled when he leaned over the table and kissed her, just to prove his point.

"See? I'm not disgusted at all", he laughed, a bit drunk, but then his features hardened and she knew he recalled the bad things, the things he never wanted to discuss. The things he had only mentioned to her in a whisper in Jakarta.

::::::::::::  
Only in the dark, with his face hidden against her chest had he finally been able to tell her just why he had come for her, why he now understood her fully, and even though forgiveness wasn't in his heart he had no hate left. Or the hate had found another target - himself. She had thought he had plans to kill himself but he threw her own words back at her. He would do anything to stay alive, death was not an option - not now, not then, not ever...

She had kissed him and told him he could be forgiven. The circumstances were not the same, forgiveness was possible for him - the ties were strong between a father and a daughter, but he had just shaken his head. She had felt his tears against her skin and kissed the top of his head, holding him tighter before she moved against him and tried to heal him with her body, with her touch.  
::::::::::::

"Jack, you've had too much to drink..."

"So have you..." he said with a smile. "I need to remember Nina... That's why I meet you here every year. To make sure I never forget..."

She knew this already but still she couldn't help but feeling a little hurt. And why did _she_ come here?

"I thought you didn't want to remember _everything_…"

"Tonight I do…" He poured the last of the wine. "I come here to remember" he said, almost to himself, and in his mind he finished the sentence: _and to not loose control over you_...

He had never told her how he felt satisfied in knowing that once a year he knew exactly where she would be. It gave him power, a little control over her after all, and just knowing what he could do with this information was enough to easy his conscience some days. Maybe he would work up the courage this time? But he was too unwilling to end the game…

He reached across the table and took her hand. Tonight he really did want to remember everything and he wanted to know if she remembered everything just as well as he did… Did what they went through together still mean anything to her?

He asked her if she remembered Amador's deception, the bomb, how she had tried to run and she nodded and smiled. "Of course I remember, Jack…" she squeezed his hand. "How could I forget?"

::::::::::::  
After the bomb had exploded and Ramon had screamed and accused them for setting him up he had pushed them into the remaining vans. Sitting in the van with Ramon and hearing about how CTU had picked up Amador with the virus Jack had felt relieved. CTU were down here after all and they must be looking for him – they could still find him... Hopefully Chase had managed to escape. Hopefully Claudia was safe.

But his hopes faded fast as they were driving far away to a hideout he never even heard of and when Ramon turned around and aimed his gun at his head he was sure it was over. He protested – He hadn't contacted CTU. He hadn't known they were down here. He laughed at Ramon's question if Nina was an agent and told him everything she had done and how much he hated her. Wasn't that a proof of his loyalty – he had been willing to work with her to help them get the virus…

Ramon didn't believe him – but he didn't kill him. They had arrived at the hidden ranch and perhaps Ramon just didn't want to get blood all over his van?

Pushed outside he glanced over at Nina being taken out of the other van. He was kicked to his knees and he just stared straight ahead now. Fighting was useless and his only chance was to stay alive long enough for CTU to find him.

He didn't want to anger Ramon more, so when Nina started running he had stayed put, pretty sure they would shoot her in the back, and him too, if he tried to run. But they just brought her back, kicking and fighting. He had almost smiled. She never gave up, did she? But then Ramon hit her over the head with his gun and she fell to the ground.

Ramon turned away and walked up to Jack. Was he going to hit him too? Jack steeled himself for a blow that never came.

"Is she dead", Ramon asked one of his men and the man leaned down over Nina's body.

"No, she's breathing…"

Ramon smiled towards Jack, suddenly holding his gun out to him. "Jack, do you want the honours? Do you want to kill her?"

Jack just looked back. He didn't move. He knew Ramon well enough by now to see that he was only playing with him.

Ramon threw his head back and laughed.

"Lock them up in the back… Let's see if they will kill each other!" He laughed again as he watched Jack being pushed forward and two men carried the unconscious Nina. They were taken to the back of the house to a storage room.

And here they were… locked into this place and at any time Ramon could decide that he didn't need them anymore and they would be shot.

Jack sat down leaning back against the wall.

He watched Nina lying on the floor. She hadn't moved. He looked around the room but his eyes soon returned to her unconscious body. No movement yet... Was she even breathing? He stared at her chest to see if it moved but it was to dark in the room to really be able to tell. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. The image of Nina, very much alive and kneeling in front of him, surprised him and he opened his eyes again.

Still no movement from Nina…

"Dammit", he said out loud before he got up and moved over to her. Standing over her he still couldn't see if she was breathing or not. He leaned closer. "Nina?" He touched her shoulder. "Nina…"

When he saw that she was breathing he told himself that the relief he felt was only because she might be useful to get out of this mess.

He was about to stand up when she stirred. Her hair fell out of her face and he was staring at her face like he was in a trance. Like this she didn't look hard, evil or jaded. He remembered her this way in his dreams… no matter how much he hated her during his waken hours in his dreams she was always his companion, his lover. He resisted the urge to touch her cheek, even if he tried to tell himself it would only be to make sure she was able to breathe freely. She would be fine…

But his hand touched her nonetheless. It combed through her hair until he felt the bump made by the butt of Ramon's gun. No blood but there could still be haemorrhaging inside her head.

He backed away from her and sat down again. If she didn't wake up soon he would try and wake her.

There was no way out. He knew Ramon and most of his men well and knew they would never let him live now. They had used him for as long as they needed but he was of no further use to them.

Jack glanced over at Nina again. And why was she still alive? Did it amuse Ramon to have him locked up with the woman he knew Jack hated more than anyone? Ramon's laughter echoed in his mind. He was a cruel man, enjoying this turn of events very much and he would make sure someone paid for his brother's life…

Nina moaned and he looked over to her. She opened her eyes and moved her hand up to touch the bump on her head. She groaned from the pain when she touched it and tried to sit up. Confused and disoriented she looked around the room and saw him.

"What happened?" she asked when she had managed to sit up against the wall.

"You got whacked over the head" He said dryly.

"I can figure that out, Jack. Where are we?"

He stared at her. "We are locked up in a storage room on one of Salazar's ranches…"

She really looked very confused and he had to ask her what she remembered.

"I remember running", she said "I guess I didn't get away…" Again she touched her head. "Why are we still alive?"

He shrugged. "Ramon probably thinks it's funny… But don't worry, we won't be for very long…"

She stared at him and suddenly he felt so angry. He was stuck here - with _her_… He would probably die here – with _her_.  
::::::::::::

------


	6. Worlds Apart

_Author's note: Introducing an original character, Paul, in this chapter. He has borrowed looks and first name from British actor Paul Bettany! (Thanks to Karin, my lovely sister!)_

_If the format seems a little confusing here check out my website instead. _

* * *

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Five  
Worlds Apart  
------

Getting the waitress' attention Jack ordered them another bottle of wine. She was still holding his hand and he smiled now.

"I had you pretty good for awhile there Nina, didn't I?" he said jokingly but she was serious.

"I never thought you would turn against your country…" There was a silence and then she added: "back then..." She sighed. "I knew you were with CTU - I just didn't know how far you were willing to go..."

"It all depends on the objective, right Nina?" he said in a bitter tone and she knew he was thinking of what she had told him in that room. What she had told him had changed everything, hadn't it? Or had he already been aware of the truth?

He closed his eyes. "Only one good thing in Mexico…" he said quietly, "besides stopping the virus..."

She knew what he meant.

"I managed to get her out safely. I didn't get her killed."

_Claudia. _

He rarely talked about her now. She remembered when she had met them. Of course she hadn't known it was Claudia until he had told her the following January.

:::::::::::  
An airport in South America. The odds that they would bump into each other were so small they had just stared at each other. Not until their respective company had started to shift nervously over the uneasy silence had they said hello.

No introductions - they didn't even know what name the other was using now - just a quick exchange of impersonal phrases like, "Nice to see you!" and "I hope you are doing well!" she didn't really remember, and then they both had planes to catch. Of course he had caught a glimpse of her wedding ring and he had asked her about it when they got to Santa Barbara, even though she had taken it off before she came.

Yes, the man she had travelled with was her husband, she had answered and when he asked about if she loved him she had thrown herself down on the bed and sighed.

"What difference does it make?" She had no intention or desire to discuss her marriage with Jack but he was staring at her, demanding an answer. So she gave him what she could without really lying: She cared about him but they had not married for love.

"For what then?"

"Citizenship", she had said and stared back at him. "Who was the woman?"

He looked down. "Claudia", he said.

She had been shocked. Here she had thought she was his only link to his past, that she was the only one who knew all about him. What did he need her for now? Claudia never hurt him and Nina knew how much he had cared for her while he had been undercover.

He had seen her worry and told her it was over. It had been a mistake but Claudia had been in trouble and he had helped her out and somehow the lure of having someone who knew him close had been too strong. But Claudia had never known _him_, that was the problem, and she had ended it, frustrated over not being able to give him what he needed and that he never could give her what she wanted.

"I need this, Nina", he had said softly when Nina didn't seem convinced. "No one knows me like you…"

He had kissed her passionately and she realized the idea of her being married had made him jealous. Their lovemaking that night had resembled the passion and urgency from their affair, and had left her feeling guilty.  
:::::::::::

Paul. Why hadn't she admitted that she loved him? Why had she lied to Jack?

Of course, she had lied to Paul too. She had kept her rendezvous with Jack a secret for many years. Only three years earlier had she finally decided he deserved to know.

:::::::::::  
She had been sitting in the dark on the veranda when he surprised her by placing a hand on her shoulder.

If it had been years ago she would probably have been scared and then been ready to defend herself but now she didn't mind the surprise - she was happy he had come back earlier than planned. She tilted her head and rested her cheek against his hand before she looked up at him.

He was looking at the glass in her hand and she gave him a weary smile.

"Do you want me to make you one?"

"No", he leaned forward and kissed her. "You are leaving for the States tomorrow?"

It was more of a statement than a question and she nodded. He must have seen her packed bag.

"When will you tell me about it? Where do you go? Who do you see?"

"Paul, please..."

"Tell me, Nina... who is he?"

She looked up and his hurt expression made her grab his hand.

"I deserve to know, Nina... What if something happens?"

She looked at him silently for a long time and then she nodded. After all these years he did have a right to know...

"I'm meeting Jack Bauer..." She saw the surprise and shock in his face. He knew all to well who Jack Bauer was and what had happened between them in the past.

"Don't ask me to explain it, Paul... because I can't..."

"But how can he? After... everything?"

He couldn't even say it... No matter how much Paul loved her he still wasn't able to fully understand this side of her - the ruthless side that would do anything to protect herself. She figured it scared him at the same time as he was impressed. But she was convinced he would do the same thing if he was in a similar situation... and she would certainly make the same choice all over again. Or were they both going soft? Maybe she had changed?

"How can you take such a huge risk? How can you trust him enough to meet him? What if he decides to finally kill you? Or turn you in?"

"He won't..."

"How can you be so certain?"

She couldn't explain so she said nothing. After what had happened between her and Jack in Jakarta she knew he wouldn't kill her. In a way he needed her more than ever.

"What if I asked you not to go...?"

"Don't ask me that..." There was a plea in her voice and she hoped he would understand. This thing she wouldn't do for him, she couldn't give up Jack...

"It's not because I'm jealous Nina. I'm worried about you..."

"Paul..." she got up and cradled his face in her hands. "You don't have to worry about me, you know that... I'll come back to you - I always will!"

She had kissed him softly and felt him relaxing as his arms moved around her.  
:::::::::::

Their dessert came in and her thoughts of Paul were interrupted. _Just as well_, she thought. _I don't want to think about him now…_

They tasted the cake in silence, both really too full to eat much of it and after a few bites the plates were set aside and he filled their glasses again.

"I can't believe we were able to survive it all", she said wanting to put an end to the gloomy and dismal atmosphere talking about Mexico had led to.

"We're survivors", he stated and raised his glass.

------


	7. Survivors

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Six  
Survivors  
------

They walked back to the hotel, slowly and in silence. It was another chilly night but it didn't bother them.

She glanced over at him and saw that he was deep in thought. Why was he being so strange? She was annoyed with his lack of ability to stop dwelling on the past. It was so long ago now and what had happened, happened. It didn't matter how much they regretted it or wished it undone – neither of them could go back in time and change anything.

But he was still stuck in the past and she knew she partly was too. Coming here every year was her weakness - her _only_ weakness now. An indulgence in wishful thinking, passionate sex and wonderful memories.

But this package also contained his misery and what he usually tried to force upon her without words - feelings of guilt.

His insisting on talking about Mexico, the sadness when he talked about Kim, the feeling that he was lying… Perhaps she should leave before...?

But she didn't want to leave yet. She stuck an arm under his and smiled towards him, hoping to cheer him up a little by the time they got to their room. He only gave her a faint smile and then looked straight ahead.

She was getting angry with him. This was _his_ idea. If he wanted to stop seeing her here all he had to do was to not show up - or just call the whole thing off. She knew he wasn't happy and she felt bad for him, but she couldn't feel guilty for his life now or for his inability to move on. She couldn't take responsibility for all the choices he had made or for his unhappiness. She had her own troubles, her own life, her own happiness to think about…

Did they deserve to be happy? That was what she had asked him the night before and she asked herself the same question now. Did she deserve happiness?

She had no answer but she knew she had felt happiness in the years after Mexico – in many ways she had been happier than she had ever been before…

_We're survivors._

His words kept repeating themselves in her mind as they walked.

He was right and she thought about all the times she had almost died, should have died, and she knew Jack had been through the same. She was happy to be alive but _why_ did they survive? What was the purpose?

She knew she was a little drunk and she suddenly wished she had had more to drink. She didn't really want to think about this now but if he wanted to remember then maybe she should too?

_We're survivors._

Yeah, but was it worth it? _Survival costs too much_, she thought. And what happens when you start to question if it really is worth it?

Paul… This was the second time tonight she was thinking about him. Was it really over two years ago?

::::::::::::  
When she lost Paul she had nearly given up. His death struck her harder than she had ever expected. For the first time in her life she felt guilty for being alive. She should have gone with him on this trip. How come she had let him talk her out of coming along?

She walked around their house like she was in a trance. At least she was here, in Bonaire, and not in the apartment in Amsterdam. The accident was all over the news in Holland.

**Dutch businessman dies in Bulgaria. **

**Police investigates the suspicious circumstances**

She had checked the Dutch newspapers online and knew they would want to talk to her. But no reporters would find her here. She was safe but she knew what all this meant - She could not go back to Holland, the publicity was dangerous and if the police dug deep enough into their business they would find out more than enough to arrest her. She had already transferred all the business funds as well as their private funds to a secret bank account and made sure it could never be traced.

She had sat down on the veranda, like so many times before, just listening to the sound of the wind rustling through the palm trees and the waves crashing against the beach. Another drink in her hand and the bottle of Paul's favourite fine oak aged rum standing beside her on the table. She was already drunk because she had forgotten to eat anything during the day. Paul would have looked at her with concern, like he always did when she drank. The thought brought tears to her eyes but they didn't fall. She blinked them away. What good would crying do? It wouldn't bring him back.

She had wanted to talk to Jack, needed to talk to him, but she knew it was impossible. She had no idea where he was and January was almost four months away. But suddenly she regretted that she had not stopped seeing him when she met Paul. She knew Paul had been hurt and worried about the arrangement. She shouldn't have gone last time... She should have forgotten about Jack Bauer a long time ago.

But then how could she? They seemed to be linked together forever.

She was still waiting for her contacts to tell her what really happened on that road outside Sofia. Had it been an accident? Deep down she feared it wasn't... They had been cooperating with the Russian mafia for years and she had always suspected they were interested in taking over some of her and Paul's very lucrative business. If they had killed him she knew she had to lay low and let them take over. She could not afford the publicity... She hoped it was an accident after all and she hoped death had come fast.

She thought about his last phone call - just hours before his car had crashed into the rocks and exploded.

His flight had been delayed and the service had been terrible, he had told her with a laugh. But everything was going fine. The hotel was great and he just wished she was there. She had told him it was his own fault - _He_ had told her not to come along, and he had mumbled something about being stupid, but...

Had he known the trip could be dangerous? Had he been protecting her?

She got up, her legs a bit unsteady as she made her way back into the house. It was dark now and she turned on a lamp in the bedroom and stared at the bed.

So this was what happened when you became too attached to someone?  
::::::::::::

Still she had no regrets - she had Paul to thank for too much.

Jack caressed her arm like he somehow knew what she was thinking.

"Sometimes you do wonder why, don't you?" he asked quietly. "Do we live on the expense of others? Or do we just create disaster wherever we go?"

She smiled sadly. "I have created enough disaster around me… but you, Jack? What finally drove you over the edge won't outweigh all the good things you have done in your life – all the people you have saved!"

He looked away and sighed. He knew she was right but somehow he was never able to take it in.

"Paul died because of me" she said suddenly and he jerked his head towards her.

"I thought you said it was an accident?"

"No, I thought – _hoped_ – that it was an accident… But it was payback. A message to me that they had found me…that they haven't forgotten what I did…"

He stopped and turned towards her. "They are still after you?"

She gave him another sad smile. "Of course, Jack. 240 million is a lot of money. They will find me again. Perhaps they already have…"

As usual he found her irresistible like this. Her vulnerability, so rarely revealed to him, evoked something so powerful inside him. It always had… During their affair, during the night in Jakarta and again when she had told him about Paul's death.

::::::::::::  
When he got to Santa Barbara that year she had been waiting for him.

When she opened the door he smiled widely, surprised that she was the first one here and made a joke about it as he pushed past her and placed his bag on the floor before he turned around to hug her. She felt rigid and distant in his arms and he let her go. Something had happened and he looked at her, waiting for her to tell him.

"Paul… He's dead" She said it casually but her eyes revealed her real emotions.

Over the years she had hardly mentioned him but the fact that she hadn't wanted to tell Jack anything about her husband had made him realize just how much she had cared for him, and seeing her face now it was evident that she had loved him. He reached for her to pull her close, pushing darker thoughts to the back of his head.

She took a little step back and looked away. "God, I wasn't even going to tell you…" she said and stared up at him with a strangely defiant look in her eyes – like she knew exactly what thoughts went through his mind at this moment. And of course she did… It was so obvious neither of them had to say anything.

But her distress vexed him as well as aroused him and he pulled her towards the bed. Sensing that words wouldn't comfort her now, and afraid to voice his thoughts, he kissed her. He covered her face and neck with kisses that became more and more demanding. She clung to him now refusing to let him go and he felt her responding to him, her lips seeking his and kissing him hungrily.

"I'm sorry, Nina" he whispered against her neck and pushed her back against the pillows. His hand was sliding under her blouse when he heard her faint whisper.

"No, you're not…"

He stopped and removed his hand.

She fell back and sighed.

They stared at each other, catching their breaths, for what seemed an eternity. Everything threatened to come up to the surface now, he felt his control slipping and it scared him. She could see it – he saw alarm in her eyes, but she didn't move. But then she looked down and her hand caressed his arm.

"It's OK, Jack. You can admit it… you can say it…"

"No…"

"Now you know how it feels… Now you know what you did to me…" Her voice was hard as she manifested his vengeful thoughts.

He shook his head but she went on:

"It serves you right… You got what you deserve…"

"Nina…" He kept shaking his head and she became silent and just stared into his eyes again.

He knew he wasn't able to mask his feelings. He _did_ want to tell her these things… He wanted to tell her that finally she knew what it felt like to lose someone. He was happy that she was miserable. He revelled in her unhappiness. He felt like laughing but in the end he couldn't. Looking into her eyes he saw - and understood. She was thinking the same. She was also thinking she deserved it.

She so rarely expressed her guilt to him. She had told him she wished things could have been different and with her eyes revealed that she wished it undone but not until now was he satisfied in knowing how she felt.

He nodded to her now.

"I almost didn't come", she whispered. "I promised Paul I wasn't going to see you again."

"I'm glad you're here" he whispered back and he brought his hand to her face and caressed her cheek before he started kissing her again.

She had said she loved him that night. She hadn't said it before and she never said it again but she had been sincere and he had always known deep down. Of course he couldn't tell her the same – and she hadn't expected him to either. With a smile she said it didn't matter. Thanks to Paul she wasn't afraid to say it any longer and she just wanted him to know.  
::::::::::::

She looked so tired now. His feelings suddenly became very clear. What was he afraid of? What did it matter now? Wasn't the game over anyway?

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed it softly and saw how his action surprised her a little. He smiled.

"I love you, you know… God help me but I do…"

He let go of her hand and wrapped an arm around her and started walking, pulling her with him. He didn't have to look at her to know how much his words had startled her. He felt her arm coming around his waist and he smiled as he picked up the pace. They were just down the street from the hotel now…

------


	8. The Call

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Seven  
The Call  
------

"OK, Jack… What's going on?"

He glanced up at her. His breathing had just returned to normal, his body was relaxing and he had thought she had been about to fall asleep. The question surprised him and perhaps she had waited until now to try and catch him off guard. What was she sensing?

"I know something has changed…"

He smiled and kissed her shoulder before lying down next to her, his hand supporting his head as he watched her turn towards him.

"I finished the book", he said, pride evident in his voice.

She smiled back and a hand moved up to his face and caressed his cheek.

He could see she was happy for him. How long had he been working on it now? 4 years? 5?

"How does it end?" she whispered.

"I can't tell you that", he said with a teasing smile.

But Nina was serious now and he could see she was even a little worried. What did it mean that it was finished? Was it the final step to forget his – their - past? And would that mean this was going to end? He saw all these questions in her eyes before she turned her gaze to the ceiling. He watched her profile as she lay silent.

"It's still up to you" she said quietly. "I hate that…" Her eyes were still staring at the ceiling. He didn't know what to say and he didn't think she even expected an answer.

She sighed and he could sense her disappointment in herself. She felt weak and he knew she hated it.

She closed her eyes and turned around. He stared at her naked back for a moment, wanting to say something.

But what could he say? She wasn't looking for reassurance and he wouldn't be able to give her any anyway.

------

It was some time after midnight. She was sleeping with her head resting on his arm and it was getting uncomfortable. He had to move it. He kissed her lightly and managed to pull out his arm without waking her.

He moved over to her bag and went through her stuff. She had clothes in her bag and a passport in the name Sarah Young. Glancing over the stamps he realized she had been in Brazil only two months after he had been there.

They always did this… He remembered that time when she had woken him up asking why he had brought his gun. She had been a little anxious but he had just been worried about being followed. That year the search for him had intensified because he had been seen and almost caught in the airport in Berlin.

He found her wallet and her cell phone. The phone was turned off and he quickly put on his pants and t-shirt and went out on the balcony. He glanced back at her to make sure she was still sleeping and then he turned it on. He looked through her wallet. Nothing personal just cash - a lot of cash. He smiled. After all these years on the run she was still smarter than him. A credit card could always be traced. It would leave clues behind no matter what name it was under. Yeah, she was smarter – he also always kept a picture of Kim in his wallet. He picked up her phone again and dialled quickly. The whole conversation took less than a minute.

He felt worried yet strangely calm. It _was_ still up to him - and there was no turning back now…

He sat down in the chair by the window thinking about what it really meant that the book was finished… and what it had meant writing it in the first place.

It hadn't been easy and many events in his book – the story based on his experiences – had been hard to write about. Almost too hard. But he had forced himself to get it all down, every single detail, encouraged by Claudia who told him his story was worth telling – or perhaps she had just wanted him to do something – _anything_? He had disappointed her and made her unhappy. Leaning back he allowed himself to remember how her presence seemed to take up everything as soon as she walked in a room. It had attacked all his senses. Sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste…

:  
It was the way her hair fell around her face and the dress clung to her body, her perfume, her laughter, the feel of her hands against his chest and the taste of her kiss – it overwhelmed him.

She was so vibrant, sexy, alive, demanding and giving, full of fire and energy, he wanted to be close to that fire – he desperately wanted to burn with her but…

"Let's go out tonight, Jack", she said against his neck, "I wanna go dancing!"

He smiled and combed his hands through her long hair.

"I'm not in the mood" His apology evident in his voice just as disappointment was evident in hers when she told him maybe tomorrow then?

"Maybe…" he answered and kissed the top of her head.

"Can't we at least go out to dinner?" There was plea in her voice and it pained him to not be able to satisfy her today. Claudia always made him feel inadequate.

He just shook his head.

"All this stuff that's happened to you… are you ever going to forget about it? You are clean now, you have money - you have me…"

Her hand caressed his cheek and he took it and kissed the soft palm. His eyes screamed to her to understand, that he was sorry, but he could find no words now.

"Jack… What if we had a family?"

He let go of her hand and looked down. _Oh, Claudia please… don't do this to us again…_

"Jack…" she grabbed his face with both hands, forcing him to look at her.

"I'm not enough? But if I gave you a son? Would you stay with me then?"

"I'm here, Claudia. I'm not going to leave…"

"You're not really here – and _I_ should leave _you_!"

Staring into her eyes he saw the tears welling up and cringed inside. A part of her charm but today it annoyed him. She was using her tears to try and get him to change his mind, to manipulate him – perhaps not intentionally but he didn't want to deal with it now and he pushed her away.

"Claudia, don't start this again…" His voice was decisive.

He had tried to give her what she needed. He often wondered what she could possibly see in him. Was it just gratitude for saving her life?

There was so much she wanted that he couldn't give her. What she really wanted he still refused her.

A child. A family.

More tears and he knew he was being cruel. This wasn't fair to her. She was too young, had been through too much and he knew what they had to do – and so did she.

He could see the frustration in her eyes and all he could say was that he was sorry – again.

She nodded, her hand quickly wiping the tears away – he could see now that she was more angry and upset than sad.

"Very good, Jack" she said quietly. One last look and she turned on her heels and stormed out of the room.

He listened to the sound of her heals echoing down the hallway and realised the room felt so empty without her. He didn't want her to leave him, at least not yet.

He went after her. He followed the scent of her perfume like a tracker dog into their bedroom. She was tossing clothes carelessly into a suitcase when he stopped her. He made her stay another night - and then another and another - but a few months later she left and he did nothing to try and stop her then.  
:

He smiled a melancholic smile and he quietly got up from the chair and got a bottle of whiskey from the minibar. He didn't think he would be able to sleep now – too much on his mind - but a drink might make him relax. He glanced over at Nina on the bed making sure she was still sleeping. He didn't want to her to wake up. He didn't want her to understand yet.

He looked outside into the dark night. He hoped Claudia was happy now – she surely hadn't been with him. And he had her to thank for a lot. He doubted that he would have made it through his undercover mission if it wasn't for her. He had used her - for information, comfort and as a distraction - but in the end he couldn't deny that she had come to mean a great deal to him. Leaving her with Hector had been difficult and seeing her again when he came back for the virus had rattled him. Her anger had been justified… Finding her again had given him an opportunity to repay her – at least in some way.

During his mission in Mexico he had lived dangerously. Drugs, alcohol, violence - and Claudia… Back in LA he had felt even more out of place than before. He was changed forever and he didn't know how to relate to anything anymore. Heroin – his saviour and his destroyer. A blessing at first when it had made it possible to do his job – but he had quickly stopped pretending it was just for his cover – if it had been he would have checked himself into rehab as soon as he had put Ramon Salazar in prison.

No, the drugs kept him sane. He had tried to piece his life back together. His relationship with Kate had been a last attempt to get a normal life and he had failed. After Mexico he wasn't able to patch things up with her – the gap between them was too wide and everything just got worse and he couldn't pretend any longer. It wasn't even what he wanted anymore. She deserved better. They all did – Kim too.

He had closed himself off as soon as he felt the familiar restlessness - once he knew normality wasn't for him anymore and never would be. The decision to go through with the operation to get the virus had been easy. It had felt like a relief to submerge himself into the planning and keeping it a secret from everyone except Tony and Gael made him feel more like an actor in a play, like a caricature of the agent he used to be. He was fine with the detachment…

For months he had pretended to be someone who, when he thought back, wasn't too far from who he really was. He could easily have been that man, the rogue agent, the junkie who was tired of serving his country and getting practically nothing for it. His rehearsed speech had almost been too close for comfort. Maybe that was why the Salazars had believed him – his words had rung so true, his appearance had seemed so honest.

He couldn't deny that part of him had enjoyed his stay undercover and he missed it. That kind of life – reckless, eventful, dangerous. Living on the edge.

He had even in a strange way admired Ramon and his way of running things and somewhere down the line he and Hector had become close too. When he turned Ramon in he had actually felt like he betrayed their trust – but he knew it was a common feeling when you were undercover for that long. It was similar to a hostage's attachment to the hostage-taker. Stockholm syndrome.

Perhaps he should have died then? During the mission – in the line of duty. It would have been a relief for his family and so much easier for Kim if she could have been allowed to be proud of him instead of ashamed. She would have a grave to visit instead of being forced to live with tainted memories, lies and a disgraceful phantom that wouldn't be put to rest.


	9. Discourses

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Eight  
Discourses  
------

He was glad he had a chance to stop the virus from getting into the wrong hands. He was glad he was able to do something good that day.

He remembered the conversations with Nina in that tiny room in fragments. And sometimes he didn't know if his memories of anything that happened that day were real or just in his mind. He sometimes prayed it had all been his imagination but he should know better than to pray for anything. He had been so exhausted and his addiction had made him so weak. Weaker than he had ever been in his life.

He did know that when all the planning finally led to action it had been just what he needed. He was ready. In his apartment lay a letter addressed to Kim.

He got the same feeling of despair and energy as soon as he set foot on Mexican soil. In a way he was home – back undercover, back where he belonged, back in hell.

But he had not expected to see _her_ again. Nina. The root to all evil.

He had focused – he had stayed on track… After all, the mission had been his only conscious objective. He didn't allow himself to think of anything else while he was working. The virus had to be stopped no matter what. And when the mission was completed? When the virus was secured? He was still with Ramon with no chance of getting out.

Locked up with Nina he had been enraged when she had called his bluffs – all of them. Why had that surprised him? She had always been good at reading people – probably what had made her survive as long as she had in the business.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
"Ramon is going to shoot us both, Nina… And I might as well admit that the thought of you dying with me is somewhat of a comfort but don't think I have wasted any time thinking about you for the last couple of years…"

She had laughed at him. Of course she knew he hadn't stop thinking about her – and she knew he would find no comfort in dying knowing she was going to die too.

"Come on, Jack! You're just like me… Willing to do just about anything to stay alive. Just look what you have done so far… Giving the Salazars your soul? How many innocent people did you have to kill? In order to keep your cover? In order to stay alive?"

"At least I didn't do out of greed, Nina, or to save my own ass. Isn't that the difference between us?"

She laughed again. "But Jack – is there a purely altruistic deed? We do what we do because it benefits us and no matter how hard you try and disguise – don't you just want to feel good about yourself?"

"Good? Does it look like I feel good?"

She smirked. "Saving the world makes you feel good, doesn't it Jack? But the cost is pretty high – and I _know_ you have asked yourself many times if it's really worth it. I _know_ you asked that after I killed Teri – and again after you were forced to let me live and see me walk away. And now you don't want to feel good – you want to suffer, be a martyr. You want to die in the line of duty – because you can't end your own life…"

He shook his head and made sure his blank stare revealed nothing of what was going on inside him.

"Or perhaps you are convinced you're invincible? That you're Superman? That you can do anything?"

She was provoking him and he didn't want to fall for it. But he had fallen for it - all the things she had accused him of, all the things she had told him - he couldn't get it out of his head and for the hours to come her mocking smile fed his hatred.

"I'd do what it takes for my country!" He snarled but again she only smirked.

"Ah, your ideals… your conviction – that justifies anything, doesn't it? How many times have you broken the law, Jack? How many times have you bent the rules? You think you can save the world? From what? Do you even know?"

She paused and rubbed her temples. She looked tired and her voice was softer and she almost seemed genuinely curious. Like she could ever understand the meaning of loyalty?

"Does it really matter in the end, Jack?"

He didn't answer her. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing he really was wondering the same. He didn't want her to know how often he had been willing to give it all up.

She looked at him. "And what do you get from sacrificing your life? You have given up a lot for your job…"

The sudden sympathy in her voice. He didn't want to hear it. He couldn't stand it.

"What I have given up…?" He couldn't mask the hatred in his voice and she flinched when he suddenly got up and moved closer and he was surprised to realize he liked it. He could still scare her. He stopped in front of her and looked down. "Isn't it more of what you _took_ from me?"

"What I did to you…" She stared into his eyes defiantly, all signs of apprehension gone. "Haven't you done the same to the families of the men you killed? How many have lost their loved ones because of you?" She continued in a mocking voice. "Jack Bauer, special agent, saviour of the free world? You are a dangerous man - a killer… you have always been – and now you're trying to scare me?"

While she was talking he had looked down at his hands. He knew all too well what they had done and what they were capable of. She was right – he was a killer.

He leaned forward and smiled. "You're wrong about everything, Nina. You may give me your little speech about the meaninglessness about what I do – but everything is not for nothing. Some things are worth fighting for – and dying for!"

She smirked. "Enlighten me, Jack… I know you don't save the world for glory - and God knows it's not for the money... so why do you keep risking your life? Because it's the right thing to do? Because you believe in the good in man? There are other ways to save the world after all… without having to choose who gets to live and who gets to die… No, you do this because you like it and you're good at it. It gives you satisfaction and now you're just trying to avoid all the guilt that would come from not fulfilling what you think is your duty…

He interrupted her: "Satisfaction? Don't you think killing people means something to me? I'm not like you..."

"But you _have_ started to question it, haven't you? Your priorities have changed…"

He glared at her. He shook his head but she just continued:

"It's time to get something in return, isn't it? The virus is secured - you helped save the world again, Jack... Isn't time you got your reward?"

She was silent, giving him time to think over what she had said. She was watching him intensely trying to read his mind but he stared into the wall with a stoic expression. No matter how close she got to the truth he would never let her know.

"Did you plan this to be your last mission? Do you think you could ever go back to work for CTU now? And…" She calmly looked him in the eyes. "You think you ever can break that habit of yours?"

He blinked and couldn't hold her gaze. He hadn't thought she had noticed. But of course she had - and she had just waited for the right moment to use that information.

"It surprised me, Jack. I didn't think you'd be the type to choose a slow agonizing death like that... Seriously, Jack - how come you didn't put a bullet in your head a long time ago? After everything I did to you – after you lost it all and had enough?

She paused looking for a reaction but he kept his face blank.

"Your speech tonight – I believed you… Not all of it – but it rang true. What you said – you knew exactly how it felt. You didn't think I noticed the track marks on your arm when I searched you for weapons while you were unconscious? Well, I did… I saw and I felt for you, Jack - I really did… But then I thought – you're still in the game. Why should I feel sorry for you? Or perhaps I should pity you for not figuring it out yet…"

He sneered at her. "Figured what out? It's ok to kill and betray and lie? Selling out your friends is worth so and so many dollars?"

She looked at him condescendingly: "That it doesn't matter in the long run - nothing does… and the only one you can trust is yourself. The only thing worth fighting for is yourself. There is no right cause to fight for. In the end man will always think of himself. Ideals and patriotism gets thrown out the window before you know it... just give the right incentive - or the proper threat." She sighed. "Do you think you turning in those dirty agents back when I worked at CTU ever made a difference? You think they were the only ones? You think I was the only one? For such a hard man you are pretty naive." She kept going and he was able to hear a weariness in her voice – and was it disappointment?

"You manage to stop one enemy – but a new one, smarter, more evil or more fanatic, is waiting in the wings to take over. All you do is chase after ghosts - and I'm one of them, am I not?" She almost looked sad. Like she really wished things had been different.

He stared at her in silence for a moment then turned back to the other wall and squatted down. He stared at the floor for a moment. She certainly was one of his ghosts – and she had haunted him more than anyone else just because of their shared history. He looked up again. She was still watching him.

"Why did you make me kiss you, Nina?" He could see she was surprised by his question – and amused by his choice of words. But she had forced him to do it, hadn't she? He had been disgusted but it hadn't been so hard to remember once he had closed his eyes. He had done worse things in his life than enjoying a kiss from a woman he hated.

"Why did you have to make it personal again? Isn't that what you said it never was?"

She looked down and it occurred to him that she might not exactly know why either. What could she possibly had hoped to accomplish except taunting him and make him hate her even more?

"If I hadn't convinced you to work with me…" It hit him. "You were going to kill me, weren't you?"

She looked at him calmly. He could see the truth in her eyes.

"All I ever wanted was to stay away from you…You do see that, don't you? I could've had you killed you know… But now you came after me – what did you expect me to do? Wait for you to kill me? You're alive because I always believe there is a way out. I don't give up – and neither do you… Another thing we have in common, right Jack?"

"You think we can get out of this now, Nina?" He laughed. "Ramon is a sick bastard – we will get out of here when he decides he wants us dead – or worse! Killing you I might actually do you a favour. The stuff Ramon can do to you is worse than even _I_ can imagine doing to you…"

She tilted her head and smiled. "If you're going to do it then just do it, Jack. Kill me! Kill me with your own hands… be the one who gets to do it! Will it make dying easier?"

He stared at her wondering how she could seem so certain he wouldn't kill her. Did she really know him that well?

"Tempted? Or do you think you can use me? Do think you need me? Use me to get out of this alive? What is the last thing you want to have control over, Jack? Me? Or yourself?"  
:-:-:-:-:-:-:

During those hours in that room she made him realize how much he wanted to live after all. And he found himself questioning his motivations even more than he had lately. Perhaps his willingness to sacrifice his life for the mission, the job, his country was simply a delusion? Nina was right – he wasn't Superman. He had laughed at her at first but then the thought of all the times he had cheated death had made him unsure. Maybe he was so afraid of dying that he had actually convinced himself he was invincible, immortal?

He had almost lost his control in there with her and done what she challenged him to do – to kill her if he could. But then he had seen the fear of dying in her eyes too.

But she had still been playing, and she had not given up.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
"You don't have anything Ramon wants either… do you?" He had looked at her triumphantly, so sure that this time she would have no way out, that she would be too tired and too hurt. He could clearly see how the blow to her head was affecting her even though she did her best to hide it from him. He had been wrong. No matter what she would never give up…

"But I do…"

He had been able to see how she loved the look on his face and how her words made him hesitate. He shook his head.

"Jack, Ramon will kill you because you betrayed him. He doesn't even know me… I'll be able to make a deal with him. I'm very good at making deals, you know…" She had given him a little smirk that almost made him lose it like he did in the interrogation room at CTU.

She had offered to get them out, both of them, if he only asked for her help - If he promised to stop hunting her, stop hating her, admitting that kissing her hadn't been so awful…

How could he agree? When she had banged on the door and demanded to talk to Ramon he had been determined to prove her wrong. He was not afraid of death, and he was not willing to go to any lengths to stay alive. He was _not _like her.

They had taken her away and he had been sitting there alone, no idea what she was up to and apprehensive. He had paced the wooden floor, fidgeting, moving his hands through his hair. Would she be able to fool Ramon? She was tired and it was obvious that the blow to the head affected her. What could she possibly have to offer him now?

When they came back for him he hadn't planned on trying to gain Ramon's trust again – but apparently he _was_ just like her.

"Haven't I done enough to prove my loyalty?" Jack had lashed out to a stoic Ramon.

He remembered the executions, the torture, the raids and shootouts. Desperate he rolled up his sleeve revealing his tattoo as well as the needle marks. A proud man like Ramon didn't want to think he had been fooled by someone for months, trusting an undercover agent with his life and liking him so much. It was almost too easy. Jack knew he was a convincing liar and the news of how Chase had managed to escape had led Ramon to believe Chase was behind CTU's involvement anyway. Ramon had been willing to believe him – at least until he could test him again.

Ramon ordered him to keep Nina happy. She was very valuable to him now. Could Jack pretend? Could he convince her that she had nothing to fear from him? Jack had smiled and nodded.

_Sure, he could convince her alright…_

Ramon had laughed. "She is some piece of work, Jack, and I understand why you used to sleep with her. She reminds me of you…"

Jack kept smiling and laughed but as soon as Ramon had turned his back towards him his smile faded. He had felt such rage.

_You're just like me…  
_:-:-:-:-:-:-:

_------_


	10. Gloomy Sunday

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Nine  
Gloomy Sunday  
------

She woke up and felt him spooning her tightly. He was dressed and she turned around in his arms. Was anything wrong?

But he smiled towards her and told her he had been outside on the balcony for some fresh air. A soft kiss and she turned to her side. Again she felt a little anxious. His sudden confession that he loved her made her confused and even more worried about him and now he told her the book was finished? How come she cared so much about him?

Right after she had gotten out from the make-shift prison with him in Mexico, when she was talking to Ramon, she had done her best not to care about what would happen to him.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
"Right now you have nothing, Ramon. But what if I tell you, you can get millions of dollars without risking anything? I'll make sure this whole deal hasn't been a humiliating defeat – I'll help you turn it into a success. Then you won't have lost so many men for nothing…"

"What kind of money do you have to offer me?"

"My client's money…"

"That money has been transferred to Amador already, don't try and play me!" His hand holding the gun swung by his side to emphasize his words.

"I'm able to get it back. I left an opening in the transfer just in case something would go wrong… If you get me to a computer within the next hour I'll be able to retrieve the money and transfer it to your account instead…"

He raised his gun and looked at her with doubt.

"Think about it, Ramon, 240 million… No one would think you screwed up this deal… Hector wouldn't have died for nothing…" She was taking a risk mentioning his brother's name but she suspected his greed would make him take her offer and she was right.

He lowered the gun.

"What do you want?"

"I want to get out of this alive…"

He stared at her. She had not even flinched when he aimed the gun at her head. She made him think of Jack - they were so alike.

"What about Jack Bauer?"

She shrugged. "What about him?"

"Is he a CTU agent? Should I blow his head off right now?"

She had known what the smart move would have been.

_Let Ramon know Jack is still with CTU. Let Ramon kill him - that way he will never come after you again. That way you can stop looking over your shoulder worrying that he has found you. That way the game would be over… Finish the game._

A simple nod and she would have one problem less. But still she hesitated.

"You think I would have cooperated with Jack if he was still with CTU? I couldn't take that risk - I can't let CTU take me, Ramon. If they take me back to LA I will go to prison and most likely be executed."

So she had convinced Ramon Jack was on his own and that he could be very useful to them. Why did she want to save him? Maybe she didn't want to be alone in this mess here with Ramon? If she had Jack she could always hope he would protect her if CTU found them. They would still want her alive. She had information she knew they would find very useful…

Maybe she even felt bad for him after what she had told him while they were locked up? Or had his suffering got to her? His loss, his addiction, his horrible time undercover… Tonight she had learned things about Jack Bauer she hadn't thought possible. It intrigued her and she realised she didn't really want him dead. But at the same time she was tired of always being on guard, always expecting him to show up and take out his revenge. Perhaps she hoped if they managed to get out of this alive they could really go separate ways and he would forget about her and move on?

Ramon had taken her to another room and a computer and she had been working on the configurations when they received the news about how the CTU agent they had caught earlier had managed to escape. _He_ had most likely notified CTU and Jack was off the hook. This Edmunds was responsible for it all.

Nina had been able to see some kind of relief in Ramon's face, as he barked orders to his men to find the agent and bring him back. Jack had told her the truth. Ramon had trusted him once and now it seemed he was willing to do it again. He had gone to let Jack out himself and they came back together, laughing like friends and making plans.

So why had she believed Jack two hours later when he pressed her up against the wall, whispering into her ear that Ramon was going to get rid of them after all and that they had to get out _now_?

Was it Jack's haunted and disconsolate face when he came back inside after she had seen the vans pull up to the house and heard the shots? Something serious had happened outside but he refused to tell her what. She had seen the despair in his eyes.

She had been scared at first. His physical closeness was so linked with threat and pain.

"What are you doing, Jack? I stopped Ramon from shooting you… he still needs me alive…"

He interrupted her, nodding his head. He already knew.

"I've stolen a gun", he whispered against her neck. "They won't search you again."

She had felt his hand under her top and for a moment she had almost enjoyed it – until she had felt him sticking the gun under the waistband of her pants and then pull her top back down to cover it. He looked her in the eyes and then he kissed her briefly.

He was her weakness, she knew that now, and she had been too willing to believe him, even trust him, thinking foolishly that saving his life earlier would somehow make him hate her less. But he was setting her up to get killed. He couldn't forgive her for what she had done to him.

"Soon" he whispered "we don't have much time…"  
:-:-:-:-:-:-:

A quick glance at the clock radio on the nightstand and she sighed. It was almost morning.

They never seemed to have enough time… Their affair had been brief, mainly consisting of stolen moments and the weekends here were too scarce. She pressed back against him and kissed his hand that had snaked around her waist up to her breast. She didn't want to think about what he had done to her in Mexico or about what could have happened. His kiss had been a Judas kiss – just like hers had been in the old church. She would have killed him if it hadn't been for the Salazars waiting outside.

His hand started caressing her and she felt him kissing her neck. She moved around in his arms again and kissed him.

They really didn't have much time left.  
------


	11. Human Nature

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Ten  
Human Nature  
------

Jack had known from the very beginning of his affair with Nina that it wouldn't last – not that he had admitted it to himself at the time but everything became clearer looking back. It wasn't because of her – it was because who he was. The affair had been laced with feelings of guilt. After all he had been attracted to her before his separation, and that made him feel like he had been cheating on Teri even though he really thought a divorce was impending when he got involved with Nina. But he never stopped loving his wife and he never wanted his marriage to be over and that made him feel like he was just using Nina. And he had of course…

When he left her to go back to Teri he had felt even more guilty – and when he found out who and what Nina really was, what she was capable of… the guilt threatened to tear him apart and it had never stopped. Nina had told him everything about that long day and night and told him it never was personal but he still knew he was to blame. It was never personal for Nina but Victor Drazen and his sons had certainly targeted him for personal reasons. Payback for his horrible mistake…

Jack had never thought he believed in personal revenge – not until Nina had told him Kim was dead. The despair and the hate he felt at that moment overshadowed everything and emptying his clip on that dock was something he couldn't regret. He wouldn't have regretted killing Nina in the parking garage after he stopped her from escaping either… Not if he had killed her in Visalia either… For years he had been sure she was a monster. But even though he was sure there were real monsters in this world she had proved to him she wasn't one.

Everything had a rational explanation – she was always so rational. But there were the things she had done that revealed she was not always governed by her rationality. Those things reminded him of that she was very capable of feeling compassion. When she had told him about Tony for instance…

:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
Early morning in her tiny apartment in Jakarta. Morning traffic was heard through the window opening, bicycle bells and car horns and they were sitting in bed, wrapped in sheets, talking.

"Tony came to see me in prison…"

He looked up at her in surprise. "He never told me…"

She snorted. "Why would he? What could he have said? And you weren't with CTU then, were you?"

Jack shook his head. He had left CTU, sure he would never return. Alone and drinking he had been thinking up ways to either end his own life or how to avenge his wife's death. It wasn't like Tony was his friend – back then… "What did he want?"

"What everyone wanted..." She looked away. "What you wanted too, I guess... To know why..."

"Just that?"

Nina smiled sadly. "He wanted to know if I ever cared about him or if I just used him."

Jack stared at her intently. "And?"

She looked back at him, her eyes calmly staring into his. "I told him I had been using him and that he meant nothing to me."

Silence. Staring into her eyes and seeing the truth but not understanding why.

Suddenly she got up and walked to the window and he stared at her back as she moved the curtain to the side and peeked outside. He could tell she was very uneasy by how he had been able to find her. She would never return to Jakarta again.

She turned around and looked at him. She looked small, sad and tired in her nakedness.

He nodded. He understood.

He knew Tony as well as she did… Knowing how loyal he could be, how devoted he was to the people he loved, and he had been in love with Nina… She could have used that but instead she had let him go.  
:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Strange how glimpses of humanity could feed his guilt. He was surprised that he could ever feel guilty over betraying _her…_

What he was forced to do in Mexico made the guilt unbearable and he felt yet another big part of himself (the final part?) die. He had fought the nausea and quickly wiped the sweat from his forehead using his sleeve. He had stopped being Jack Bauer. Wasn't that what he had planned all along? The letter he had left on his kitchen table for Kim…. The letter where he told her that if he went missing he didn't want to be found. She shouldn't worry about him and not try to look for him.

He had stared at Ramon's men who didn't dare to come closer. They somehow seemed to know he had crossed the final line and left him alone. Alone with his rage.

So he marched inside and betrayed her. In a hushed voice he fooled her. It wasn't difficult…

_Let someone else kill her_, he had thought. _If you can't do it let someone else do it…_

:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
Two of Ramon's men, Alejo and Estéban, held her firmly, her arms twisted behind her back. Her yelling had stopped and now she just looked at him. Her eyes pleading with him to stop them, to rescue her. He just stared back, feeling satisfaction over seeing her scared. He had played along with her too long – it was time to end the game.

Ramon got out of the chair he was sitting in and smiled.

"Take her out back and shoot her!" Then he turned to Jack. "Unless Jack here has any objection?"

Jack kept staring at her, his face showed only indifference and then he shook his head and turned to Ramon. "No…no…" he answered almost absentminded.

When he looked at her again the look in her eyes had changed and now he saw disappointment and pain over his betrayal.

_Good, now she will know how it feels to be betrayed_, he thought. _She will get what she deserves._

When he heard the two shots he closed his eyes. So it was over? He realized that he felt anything but satisfaction now… He almost felt sick when Ramon threw his arm around him and pulled him towards the other room.

"Let's get a drink, Jack", he laughed. "We have a lot to celebrate!"

The room was filled with Ramon's men and they all cheered when Ramon told them the good news about the money. Someone fired a gun and Jack flinched.

Ramon still had a steady grip around his shoulder and he laughed again and leaned closer to be heard in the noise that had broken out when more men started firing their guns. "You are too jumpy, Jack – I'll get you what you really need…"

He tried to shake his head but knew he would have to play along now.

"It's OK…" Ramon continued. "I'll tell José to bring you some good stuff… Now relax and be happy you are still alive, Jack. Tonight has been a success!"

A pat on the back and Ramon left him. Jack watched him walk around in the room, proud and happy… Just hours before he had killed his only brother and now…?

Jack almost felt sick again and when someone offered him a bottle he quickly downed a big mouthful of the strong liquor. He felt it burning his throat and kept the bottle. He moved over to the other end of the room and looked for Alejo and Estéban. He didn't see them anywhere.

_They are burying her…_

He took another sip and suddenly the thought of getting high didn't seem so bad.  
:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Being high. Even though it was so long ago he still remembered the rush - the tension and then the complete relaxation. How it had numbed all his feelings, turned him into a machine… It had been just what he needed, what he wanted and he had kept wanting it, needing it, for a long time.

Being high… Yeah, he remembered the feeling now, getting his high from her… Making love to her one last time as morning drew closer and closer.  
------


	12. Hunted

_A/N: For better format - with indented text -Read this fic on my website! (Link in my profile.)

* * *

_

**Things Have Changed**

Chapter Eleven  
Hunted  
------

It was early morning when the three men walked into the lobby. Jean felt her heart starting to pound faster when they flashed their badges. FBI.

"What's going on?" she stuttered.

One of the men gave her a reassuring smile that only made her more nervous.

"We're looking for a man and a woman."

He opened the folder he had with him and placed two photos on the counter. She started breathing again and felt herself relaxing a little. They weren't asking about Rick – this had nothing to do with her useless brother…

She stared down at the photos.

"Have you ever seen any of them? Are they guests of this hotel now?"

Jean recognized them right away. In the photo the man had a beard and looked like he did the first time she had seen him at the hotel. The woman looked a lot different in the picture but Jean was still sure. It was them - no question about it.

They were wanted? For what? All the guesses and bets… Sure they had speculated about them being on the run from something but... Somehow she couldn't imagine them as dangerous criminals.

Jean looked up at the man in front of her. "No."

The man tapped his hand on the counter and gathered up the photos. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, we don't have that many rooms and I recognize all our guests."

The man nodded and asked to see the ledger. None of the names seemed to mean anything to him and he slammed it shut. The man next to him sighed and said something about how this most likely was a false lead. A misunderstanding.

The third man stood silent behind them watching her.

Jean shifted behind the counter. She shouldn't have lied. So she hated feds – that wasn't so strange after all that harassing she and her family had to put up with the year before when the bureau had been convinced they knew the whereabouts of her brother. But she hadn't lied back then. She had had no idea where Rick was and frankly she didn't care either. But lying to feds could only mean trouble.

_This is so coming back to bite me in the ass. _

She thought about the man and woman in the room upstairs. All this had done was increase her curiosity and she was dying to ask the agents more – but she was too worried that she would give herself away.

So she stood quiet behind the counter watching the agents withdraw to the entrance, where they talked for a minute before exiting the lobby.

As soon as they had left she called for Tommy. She knew she was being irrational but she just wanted to warn them – just let them know that FBI was asking for them.

Tommy was in kitchen and she quickly told him what had happened. She saw he was angry but kissed him before he could say anything.

"Come on, Tommy – don't you think it's romantic? Don't you want to know more about them? What they've done?"

"You can't lie to the feds, baby! No matter how good a tipper they are it's not worth it… You know what can happen… You want them coming after _you_?"

"Well, I didn't really want to _help_ them, you know! Not after what they put us through…" Her voice came out sarcastic and she stared defiantly into his eyes.

He shrugged and sighed. It was too late anyway - the damage was already done and he agreed to watch the reception while she ran upstairs.

"It will only take a minute", she assured him.

Nervously Jean knocked on the door. There was no sound from inside and she knocked again, a little louder.

------------

Nina heard the second knock on the door and wondered why Jack didn't move. He lay still staring empty in front of him and just gave her a quick glance when she threw his shirt on and went to see who was at the door.

The girl from the reception was standing outside. She looked nervous and excited at once and she kept looking towards the stairs.

"Yes?" Nina asked.

"They're looking for you… For you and him." She nodded towards Jack who she was able to see through the small gap between the doorframe and Nina's body.

"Who?" Nina asked but she already knew the answer.

"FBI"

Nina looked at the girl. Why on earth was she warning them?

"Are they searching the hotel?" she asked and the girl shook her head.

"No, I don't think so… I - I kinda lied to them…"

"Why?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders. "I have to go… You can use the fire exit over there and then go out the back through the kitchen if you want to leave."

She turned around and quickly walked back downstairs before Nina could ask her again why or even thank her.

Nina closed the door and turned to Jack. He was still lying in bed. His eyes closed now and the expression on his face made her heart stop and she remembered the feeling…

...---...---...  
"Let's go, Jack…" She had aimed the gun at Ramon Salazar's head and everyone else backed off.

She felt the dull pain in her head and she knew she had a concussion. She had to watch herself or she'd make a mistake. The hand holding the gun trembled slightly and she hoped they couldn't see it.

She had to make sure they got out of there before Ramon decided to kill them. They probably wouldn't make it through the night now that the money was all in Ramon's account. And making sure Jack came along seemed like her only option – she wouldn't be able to get out of here by herself and he knew where they were and how to get to the next town.

How could she have known how much Ramon trusted Jack? It seemed insane after everything that had happened that night. What was it that bonded these men together and that betrayal didn't break?

When Jack didn't move she had felt like she was falling into a pit, realising he had set her up. Everything he had whispered to her in the hallway before they came into this room had been lies. And he had known just how to fool her. He had known she felt sick, that the throbbing pain in her head clouded her judgement.

She was staring into Ramon's surprised yet amused eyes. He had no intention of killing them yet. He still wanted to use them.

Too late she saw Ramon's eyes darting to something over her right shoulder and before she could react she was attacked from behind. She saw Jack leaping forward, pushing Ramon down, and she managed to pull the trigger.

The bullet ricocheted against the wall right next to Jack as she was wrestled to the floor and the gun was snatched from her grip. Everything was spinning and when she was pulled to her feet she screamed to them, trying to get them to understand that Jack Bauer would never turn against his country – no matter what! Ramon laughed as he sat down behind his desk and she was overwhelmed by dizziness when she realized it was over.

So she became quiet and just stared at Jack. His eyes were cold and showed no emotion.

Two of Ramon's men were ordered to take her out back and if it hadn't been for her becoming acutely nauseous as they walked across the patio behind the house they would have killed her.

She leaned forward and threw up all over one of the men's boots, causing him to let her go. She fell heavily to her knees and heard him swear loudly in Spanish. It was pure luck that her eyes fell upon his gun sticking out of the shaft of his snakeskin boot.

Such a predictable place for a common gangster to keep his extra weapon. Her instincts kicked in and to survive she fought back another wave of nausea and grabbed the weapon.

It was a small gun with a butt made out of mother-of-pearl she noticed as she aimed and fired up at the surprised man. She hit him in the head and as he was falling backwards she rolled over and fired again, knowing that it had to sound like an execution or the men in the house would suspect something and come running.

The other man stared at her in disbelief and moved his hand to the wound in his chest. Blood was staining his shirt red and his lips moved but no sound came out. He fell down and she took a deep breath, lowering the gun.

They were both dead.

She got to her feet as quickly as she could. The nausea was gone and on pure adrenaline she managed to start jogging. Taking shelter behind a shed she made sure the coast was clear before she ran into the woods.

She had no idea where she was going but she kept on running until she couldn't run anymore. The exhaustion from the exertion and the headache had rendered her practically blind and, out of breath, she dove into the brush where she finally passed out.

Luck had saved her that time – would it save her again?  
...---...---...

"What have you done, Jack?"

He didn't move or look at her.

"What have you done?" She moved closer and got her bag and started packing her things. She let his shirt fall to the floor, found her own blouse, and quickly got dressed.

He looked at her now and she stopped buttoning her blouse for a second and looked back into his eyes. They seemed to will her to stop, to stay, but how could she? She was still not willing to give up and when he moved she thought for a moment that he would try and keep her here, that he wouldn't let her go.

But he just sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his thighs and his head in his hands.

She was finished, ready to leave – to run again and she wished she could be more angry with him than she was. She knew it was more about him turning himself in than about finally taking out his revenge on her. She turned towards the door.

"I'm sorry, Nina."

She had a feeling of dejà vu when she remembered how their affair had ended. She realized that just as back then he really was sorry - and just as back then she had known that he would end it, that he wouldn't be able to do this forever. It was inevitable.

"Goodbye, Jack." she whispered and left the room as fast as she could, afraid of the thoughts that threatened to surface. The thoughts that told her how nice it would be to finally stop running.

She took the fire exit and the back way out and she was glad she hadn't parked her car in the hotel garage but further down the street.

---------------

When she was gone Jack closed his eyes and he saw Chase. Chase the way he had looked when Jack had aimed the gun at his head down in Mexico.

------


End file.
